The Sixth One: Letting Yourself Be Happy With Who You Are
or
The Sixth One: Impossible Feats of Mankind
Happy New Year everyone!
Here's what I'm not going to do. I'm not going to write about New Year's Resolutions or Setting Goals or any of that shit.
Not to be a jerk about it. I know a lot of folks get a lot out of their resolutions but I kinda feel like I need to go back a few steps first. I don't think I'm capable of making really good resolutions until I know what I really WANT. And sometimes it's easier to know what you really want when you actually like yourself. And that's where I sometimes get a little stuck.
I avoid things I don't like. Hot stoves, mean people, bad smells, and haunted houses - just to name a few. It's reflexive and I don't really have to think too hard about it. It's self-preservation.
But here's the rub - if I don't like myself all that much then I avoid - myself. I don't listen to myself. I don't hear what my body and my heart are telling me. About my health, about my choices. About what it needs to be its ultimate, powerful, most peaceful self. I cover up the voice with alcohol, food, lots and lots of work, or - the worst - the voices of other people. Opinions about me and my choices that are pretty destructive. Sometimes completely at odds with what my deepest heart would tell me it absolutely knows to be true. And I trust all of those things more than I trust myself because... I don't really like myself.
I know, I know. You're already thinking, "Good Lord. This is like, self-help circa 1990."
Well, I'm retro.
Ask yourself this question:
"What do I like about myself?"
I recently tried this with a pen and paper and I seriously sat there for a good seven or eight minutes (minutes, folks, I timed it) before I could think of a single thing. Yikes. An interesting thing that started happening was that I felt compelled to write things that other people had told me about myself that I liked. Not things I felt. Being able to really stop and consider yourself takes a lot of courage. Make no mistake. It is breathtakingly hard at times to admit all the beautiful things about yourself that you know you know but haven't listened to or done anything about in years. It may drive you to do all sorts of crazy things. Start eating healthy. Start exercising more. Start a band. Start a volunteer organization. Start a new career.
Or it may make you sit down and have a nice, long cry. It may make you sit for a second and feel some grief and compassion for that poor little soul that was so ignored and repressed by all your good intentions to succeed/accomplish/please/impress/just get by.
This is actually a good thing. Contrary to popular belief, showing any emotion other than sugar-coated, saccharine sweetness or over-the-top, aggro, Alpha, warlord-like ambition is NOT a weak thing. Put aside your rom-com notions of "feelings" and indulge. Roll around in it for an hour or so. Put on some weepy music and let 'er rip. I guarantee something surprising and lovely will come out of it.
Then try your list.
See if giving a voice and some space to that richest place of wanting doesn't make you potently and powerfully aware of all the best parts of you. I could write lists for each and every one of you. I could. I'm good at it. I'm good at noticing all the great stuff about my friends and family. Some of you are too. But when asked to do it for ourselves can we be truly honest? Can we admit to being good at something that threatens the stagnant homeostasis of our current life and give it a try? Or do we retreat back to
"I'm nice."
"I'm a team-player."
"I'm reliable."
End of list
Expand your list today. Admit something terrifying. Then act on it.
I triple dog dare you.
